How do I deal??

I have a job interview tomorrow at Sears. Not my ideal but its money for now and it will help me get some money for the move and furniture. I can’t believe its October already!!!!! Where did the time go? It seems like just yesterday 2010 was just beginning and now its almost over. 3 months and counting till my move! I couldn’t be more excited! I have never felt more hopeful than I have in the last few weeks. Everything is falling right into place and I can’t believe I found someone like him =) He makes me happier than  anyone has ever made me…I don’t know what the future holds but I am certainly looking forward to finding out.

Don’t Know Why I didn’t come..

My heart goes out to those who never know love. It’s a sad thing to imagine spending your entire life without love.  The countdown to my move is slowly winding down…My goal is to be out of Michigan by January 31, and from there I will be on my way to South Carolina! I know this is the best thing for me and it’s really been a long time coming. I would probably have moved out of Michigan sooner had it not been for my parents. But no postponing any longer! Its time to finally start my life!

Back to School =)

“Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I’m not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing.” Today I started my senior year of college. That means one semester and I am done with my undergraduate life; one semester and I will be in….LAW SCHOOL!!!! I am beyond excited for this as it is something I have wanted for a really long time.  Plus John and I discussed me moving out to South Carolina possibly sometime next year. This only adds to my excitement because I REALLY like John. It’s weird how things can change so quickly; how someone you have been friends with can become your confidant. Someone you miss and think about first thing when you wake up and last thing before you go to sleep. He truly is amazing and even on the worse days a text from him makes me smile =). I cannot wait to see what the future brings.

Men are confusing.

WHY THE HELL ARE MEN SO UTTERLY CONFUSING?? For once when someone likes me I want flashing neon signs above their heads with the words ask me out flashing in bright pink letters. I don’t want the scuttle hints anymore…I try my best to give hints back but it never seems to do anything. What does he want me to do? I mean I’ve already admitted I like him and he says he likes me. Why does the stage between dating and a relationship have to be so freaking awkward? Everything should just flow from one thing to another. Kind of like kissing. I mean sure the first kiss is awkward but after a while things flow, you begin to know what kind of pressure the other person likes on their lips, and what each kiss means. For once I don’t want to make the first move, I want the guy too. I want him to show what I mean to him. How much he enjoys being with me. I do not think  that is  too much to ask.

Lets just say it…sex.

Sex. Everyone does it, whether with themselves or someone else. So when in a relationship does sex become something you discuss or want to do?? How soon is too soon?? When I was growing up I swore I would wait until I was married to have sex. Well that quickly changed once I had a serious boyfriend, but now I realize something. Sex is something that should be savored and not gone into to hastily. If you rush into sex you are ruining a potentially wonderful relationship. Your skipping the most important step….getting to know someone on a truly intimate level by discussion. Sure sex is wonderful, the touching, kissing, and closeness of it all. But I think sex is something that should wait until you both are ready and have gotten to really know one another.  Sex is so much better with someone that you love and who loves you back. It helps you  be more open about whats happening and discuss things that you like or do not like.  Then it truly is making love.

Past, Present, Future

Wishes fall like shooting stars. I watch them from the balcony as I sit and think. No matter how hard I wish I can’t get what I want. You laying next to me, comforting me in times of sadness.  I hate being indecisive…I know it bugs you. But I need to do what’s best for me. You leaving in November will be one of the hardest things I will ever have to deal with in my life. It keeps me up at night because you  and I have something special; I’m afraid of losing that.  Does anyone else know what I mean? Having someone you care about leaving for the military?? It’s so unfair….I know he’s doing it because he wants to make something out of his life but I keep thinking what if we had meant last year. Would things be different? I’ll never know but I can just be there for him now and support him. Let him know I will think long and hard before I make a decision…hopefully it will be the right one for both of us.

I’m so good that I’m so bad

I’m in love….with Eminem’s new cd that is. Every song gets me further addicted. I hear the lyrics in my sleep. SO if you haven’t listened to it yet it’s highly recommended. Anyway on to what’s happening in my life. I’m still looking for a job and it’s really starting to wear me down. It seems that no matter what I do I can’t get one to call me back. I even have started checking in; I just do it once as to not be annoying and they say that they will get back to me. Really really frusturating…seems like I will have to get working on my book so if I cannot get a job I will at least have that to fall back on (hoping so anyway).  Also on the brain lately is moving out-of-state. Michigan no longer holds an appeal to me and all that is really keeping me here is my family. I know they would understand if I left because Michigan’s economy is really going down the toilet but I also know that it will be very difficult on them. They just want what is best for me though. Well I’m off to go job hunting again and then I will try not to look in my diminishing bank account. I will leave you with a little something I wrote last night.

“‎6 minutes have gone by since I last looked at the clock, the silent lull of the fan fills my ears. I’m surrounded by emptiness…the only sound I hear is the rhythmic beating of my heart. My thoughts wander and if I think hard enough I feel the weight of a body enveloping me with arms, there to protect me from the silence of the night.”

Have a great day fellow bloggers!

Life in General

Sorry its been a while since I wrote. I turned 22 on Tuesday which is a huge accomplishment. Years ago I thought I would never make it this far. When you are 10 you never imagine being this age; everything is in the here and now and you never seem to worry about the future. Now I worry about the future all the time. I worry about passing on my genetic code to my future children, I worry about finding a guy I could reasonably spend the rest of my life with, and I worry about providing for that future family. I talked to my friend John about this and he said he sees me settling down and being very happy. But it’s hard to imagine when it all seems so far off.  When a young girl is growing up she pictures herself walking down the aisle in a flowing white gown with prince charming waiting to kiss her. Now I would just be happy finding a guy to have a relationship with. I don’t need Prince Charming any longer…just the prince for me. Someone who will cook me breakfast on the days when I am not feeling well, give me back rubs, and cherish my kisses. Why does waiting for the future have to be so damn difficult??

Crossroads

I never wanted to be in this position…the position of having to decide what will make my life better.  I wish things could just be handed to me and I know life doesn’t always work that way. But wouldn’t it be so much simpler if your life was just laid out for you…no questions asked. I think if we were given less options there would be less hate in the world. People would spend less time searching for answers and more time just being happy. I’m a wreck today. Emotional and seething I find nothing can help. I try watching funny movies but even that doesn’t enable a smile to come to my face. I’m torn in two and don’t know what to do.  It’s times like these when I need my mind to be made up. It just never seems to happen though.

I am on your side

“Friends are like bras, close to your heart and there for support.” My friends are the best support I have; there are days when I don’t want to go anywhere because I’m upset about something or other and they will call me up saying “Okay lets go we are getting you out of the house!” They literally will come over here and drag my ass out of bed. So after all these years I have learned it is just better to be up and waiting for them when they arrive. These last few months have been the best few months of my life, I owe it to my friends. They are the ones who taught me I deserve better than a guy who is going to use me or emotionally abuse me.  They taught me that I am capable of anything! I tell them often what they mean to me but I wish there was some way that I could better show them. If money wasn’t an object I would buy them each a home of their own, or perhaps take them on an all expense paid trip to somewhere warm. But since money is an object…I guess for now words will have to do. I will also repay them by being there for them like they have been for me =)

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